Changing seasons, changing life..........
It amazes me, that even after almost 19 years of life (wow I feel old), I still cant comprehend how much things can change as we grow older. I do feel wiser, but I also feel the weight of the burdens I have laid upon myself, and I've felt the lift of those burdens as God has taken them away. Even then, though, I still have to keep on going back to God and he keeps on forgiving me and letting me move on. Speaking of change, when you do something wrong, you don't just forget about it, it stays in the back of your head and haunts you, no matter how much time you spend trying to forget about it. It has changed your life... Sometimes for the better, sometimes not. Unfortuntly, God gives us the choice of freedom, he doesnt stop us if we decide to do something he doesnt like, you may feel conviction afterwards, but he isnt going to physically come to earth and grab your hand, and say "You're doing it wrong again, Deana." Nope, it's called free will, and it changes you.
Again with the changing.... As a kid, I thought I would have ALL of my friends forever, and I never believed the saying that "some friends are only there for a season," Well, thats not hard for me to comprehend anymore... I've lost some friends, gained some friends, I've even regained some of the lost friends. Some of the people that I thought would stick by me through everything have given up on me, and then I've had suprising friends that I never thought I would have.
The seasons change so fast now. Growing up, it seemed like summer lasted for 8 monthes (probably attributed to the fact I was homeschooled, but still) rather than the 3 months now. I remember thinking every year, on january 1st, "where did last year go?" It still amazes me how something can seem to drag on forever (like school) and then when the end of it comes you are like "what happened to the time?" I guess that is probably how life is. When you're 91 and you look back you probably think "Man, where did the time go?" and I wonder if I will have spent my time right... Will I look back and say "Whoa, I lived my life to the fullest!" or will I look back and wish I had done more with my life? Well, I have decided to start living, not sitting on my rear waiting for the world to pass me up.... I am doing some housecleaning.... Both litterally, and figuratively... Starting today... Today is the day, tomorrow may never come, and yesterday has already passed you up, so live like you only have today. I've been thinking alot about the future and how I want it to turn out, but in order for it to turn out the way I want it to be, I need to do some cleaning, both mentally, and spiritally.... and physically too, Because I don't plan on looking like that for the rest of my life. I have to change myself before I attempt to change the world.
